A poem I wrote [16 Jan 2005|01:21am] I'm poor by mr. anderwear ====================================== I'm poor.. but if I had money, I would buy everyone flours. If I were giving it to someone hungry, it would be and edible flour and if it were a lonely person, my flower would be warm. But I would give everyone a flower because I would have the money for it I would also maybe hire fan-girls.... ... denifitely write that one down. 1 comment|post comment

Things aren't so bad. [03 Jan 2005|07:55pm] I've just realized today that things aren't so bad. Whatever happens to me, I can always count on the fact that others have it much worse. Thank you to all those who are there for others. Some say it's a cold world, but it's people like you who make living worthwhile. Peace nd prosperity in the new year post comment

Seti @ home [29 Nov 2004|11:55pm] [ mood | mmm... ] [ music | none ] I came home from work last night and instead of doing what I've done since I've started coming homw from work (which is go inside immediately); I saw the light in the back of the house, so I decided to check it out. I knew this would be the light to the computer roo,, and I was curious to see who was there. I saw my brother. He though I needed entry, but I just showed him my keyes and he sat back down. I went to the front and went inside. Shortly after settling downstairs to watch television with christina, I heard the sound of our cat meowling very oddly and loudly. We went upstairs to investigate only to find the cat looking out the patio door at a stray dog. My brother said that the dog had been standing at the window all day. This happens to be 'THE SAME WINDOW I CHOSE TO LOOK THROUGH' upon my arrival at home. It's odd that I would choose that day.. or that the dog would choose that day. It's funny how it all happened. So later on that night; I sat down in front of the computer to smoke a bowl. This is uncommon as I've not been smoking on weeknights (this was a sunday). I will say this; I've been getting a very weird feeling from the room I am in right now (computer room) since this incident happened. I've also had a weird feeling about my room, which happens to be the next room over. The cats were weird all night too. But that will happen at the sight of a dog. It just seems like there was bad energy going on. After smokng, I figured that it was inevitable. I had to meditate. I've never "really" meditated in my life (although I've tried without success - I've sat zazen before, but it was difficult... not like last night which was easy). I've been reading a book about Shambhala (check out www.shambhala.org). Most of it talks about living.. mostly in the moment. I can't explain it as well as the book. He (Trungpa) puts emphasis on meditation. I've been putting it off for a while until that night where I knew I had to sit. so I sat. And I felt the greatest feeling I've felt in a long time. Trying to explain it now would not do it justice, but I will say that there was much clarity. Even after I stopped meditating *which was only 5 minutes AT MOST*. Things made so much sense. ____________________________________ The mind can be distracted if it has no purpose. )_____________________________________ So I talked to a girl on my lj friend list about meditation. She gave me a tip. She essentially told me to lie down among other things. I tried it before going to bed. I couldn't get the idea of aliens out of my head. It could be because paul sent me his essay on aliens. It could very well be. but I tried doing what I did earlier, but this time lying down. It worked. I used the fear I was feeling and just examined it for what it was. It was kind of like me looking at myself feeling a certain thing. What was weird about that is that I kind of tapped into something; I describe it as if I were able to experience the emotions as movement within my brain. It felt like I was being tossed around and spinning wildly. As I say this, I still have goosebumps and a weird feeling. I also had the impression that I was not alone in the room. I still feel this way right now. I kind of imagined aliens beaming me up somewhere.. but I think that was just my imagination. In my state of relaxation though, I could feel movement, and I tried to control it. At first it was easy. I opted for upward movement, away from my body (I've been reading into astral projection and things of the like as well). Instead of just moving, I started "trying" to move. This made me lose focus on my task. I had lost my purpose of moving and the mind got distracted. That was my night. post comment

[14 Nov 2004|09:08pm] My squire got knighted.... yay! post comment

Shit sucks these days don't it ? [13 Nov 2004|05:17pm] MY title may be deceiving to some. It may be interpreted as sad... it's actually sarcasm. Let me explain; while the title may seem to be negative. It's actually negative towards the negative because it should be positive. Shit isn't that bad at all. Way be led to believe that the world is a shithole where no one helps each other out. Some may say that this place is hell. It may seem to these people that there is more hate than love. But I think society itself wants to love.... deep down somewhere, people tend to want love more than hate. This may seem like an obvious statement, and I completely agree, but -the whole point of this entry- I would like to back up this point with an obvservation I've made. If you were asked to present someone with the clearest icon of love; it would probably be a heart. What about hate? __________________________________________________ On a slightly unrelated (in fact, completely different) topic. Christina (my brother's girlfriend) had just received a gift from a child. It was an early christmas gift. The child had decided to take popsicle sticks and glue them into a box formation. He then made a bottom of this box, and a removable top. My thought is this. 1) Who the fuck wants a popsicle box for christmas? 2) Why didn't he take the time to make it straight? point: What an idiot 6 comments|post comment

Everyone around me. [04 Nov 2004|11:19pm] Everyone's got their problems. What the hell is mine. They all say "know thyself" But which one are they talking about. whoever we talk to changes us entirely. Even choosing to avoid everyone and do nothing; that changes us too. Why did I choose to press my space bar three times just now Why did I three times instead of two times just nowjust now Everything's gotta fit, so we do stupid shit that no one notices or cares about. .It's just gotta look nice. ..t's just gotta look nic.. ...'s just gotta look ni... ....s just gotta look n.... ..... just gotta look ..... ..... kjust gotta loo ..... ..... okjus tgott alo ..... ..... ookju stgot tal ..... ..... lookj ustgo tta ..... ..... alloo alloo all ..... I remember wheghing in for a wrestling meet. The guy wheighing in my buddy is a very nice man. My buddy was almost at the weight he needed to be in his category (otherwise, he would be meeting much more difficult [not that it would be too difficult for him] people) Everything he tried wouldn't work until he took off his underwear. This occured after a few minutes (relatively a long time for normal wheigh ins). You could tell that the guy wheihgingingign in my buddy wanted to help him. So he told him to "look up.... look down... look up". Yeah, you wheigh it (well... at least when we use GRAVITY to our advantage). -------------------------- boy was he stupid. post comment

MC Escher [01 Nov 2004|09:22pm] I'm MC Escher and I am here to say that I'm doing funky art; in my own way There's nothing better at the end of the day then walking up the same staircase ... uhm... I'm no rapper. Buy my art 2 comments|post comment

Note! [31 Oct 2004|04:01pm] Please disregard the long entry 2 entries down. it starts with "If you haven't read the book, read it before reading my journal entries" If it does mean anything though. I read the book (celestine prophecy) in two days (3.5 sittings) . post comment

today's date [31 Oct 2004|04:00pm] Everything around me in this moment lies in this very moment. It seems as though I don't exist though; which is sad because with time, I know I'll forget the feeling because I would have remembered other things. Time will serve to push me forward into a space where events and hit me and memories stick. Right now, I seem empty. It's not that bad... I'll send a postcard I have to live with this; with time, I'll forget that I'm not real. post comment

Things happen for a reason~ [29 Oct 2004|01:19am] I remember as a kid, I thought I would grow up to be chinese ------------------------------------ I remember as a kid, I thought I had a disease in which the only symptom was that I forgot I had the disease instants after someone told me. (I think I had this thought after groundhog day - if you can see the relation) ------------------------------------ I remember as a kid, Knowing that if I would stop chasing the girl who stole my toque, she would bring it back. *turns out they stop taking anything from you after that.* ------------------------------------ boy! was I a stupid kid 1 comment|post comment

The Celestine Propechy [22 Oct 2004|06:19pm] [ mood | Can't put my finger on it ] [ music | None *I've been writing this all day* ] If you haven't read the book, read it before reading my journal entries. ________________________ so much for a disclaimer ------------------------ +++++++++++The first insight+++++++++++ [for those of you who haven't read the book; it talks about a restlessness. Coincidences that occur around us are exactly that... events that coincide. But it happens more often than we think. It talks about it more, but what I said there will be enough for you to follow this journal entry.] Coincidences have been a part of my life for a long time. There was a point in my life where a whole day would be filled with coincidental time. I'll explain. One of the major things that happened to me for a long period of time was a simultaneous occurence of me looking at the clock, and the clock being at a specific time; namely /an hour:any multiple of 11 (x:11 / 22 / 33 / 44 / 55). I have a tie clip full of subway transfers gathered between april 2003 and February 2004 (11 months !!!!) at various places in Toronto. [for those of you who have never been in Toronto; there are boxes which dispense transfers in the subway which can grant one access to a streetcar or bus above ground.] This tie clip contains ~50 transfers gathered within said time period. This is one example of the time coincidences. Others are superfluous to this entry. ___________ |Random Data |=========== | | # of tickets organized by : | x:11 --- 11 | x:22* see note --- 11* | x:33 --- 06 | x:44 --- 11 | x:55 --- 07 | | amusing combination of numbers | 1:23 PM on dec 11 2003** | 11:11 AM on mar 09 2004*** | | Times organised by first number | 1:xx --- 3-4 $ | 2:xx --- 02 | 3:xx --- 11 | 4:xx --- 03 | 5:xx --- 04 | 6:xx --- 01 | 7:xx --- 07 | 8:xx --- 03 | 9:xx --- 03 | 10:xx --- 01 | 11:xx --- 01 $$ | 12:xx --- 07 ___________________ ================================================================== [*note: the x:22; when I first seperated the pile, I came across a ticket with the number scratched out. I decided to ][put it aside. When I first tallied the 22s, I came up to 10. At this point, I thought to myself that I should check] [the scratched out one. I saw no number at all on it, but then I decided to look at it in the light. Sure enough; 5:22 on the 259th day of the year] Also worthy of noting; When I was trying to find out what day of the year this ticket was (259 = ?). I was using my calculator and the year 2003 calendar. I was adding up the days until I reached the date. The date was inconsequential (sept 16th if you want to know)... after I finished counting, I looked at the clock - 6:55 ... the day is the 22nd of october ... the 295th day of the year] ================================================================== [**note 2: Dec 11 also happens to be the 345th day of the year. Therefore; 1:23 - 345] ================================================================== [***note 3: Mar 9 2004 is the 69th day of the year] ================================================================== [$note 4: The dates with the first number as 1 are counted as 3 or 4 because one of the dates is the ticket with the time as 1:23 (see **note 2). Also noteworthy; The three other remaining tickets in this count are as follows 1:11 on apr 06 2003 (day 096) / 1:22 on aug 10 2003 (day 222) / 1:33 on apr 09 2003 (day 99). Amusing (yet obvious that it would happen) that that the transfers 11 and 33 have a 6 and a 9 for time and day respectively] ================================================================== [$$note 4: Time - 11:11 Day - 069 ] ================================================================== +++++++++++The second insight+++++++++++ I don't want to copy this in fear of copyright infringement. But I will anyway, and I will say that this excerpt is taken directly from The celestine Prophecy - an adventure Author : James Redfield Publisher: Warner Books (A Time Warner company) Warner books, Inc., 1271 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020 Copyright 1993 by Author ISBN: 0-446-51862-x _Page 28_______________________________________________________________________________ | Suddenly, in that instant, the span of history Dobson and I had been disscussing |seemed to intergrate fully into my consciousness. I could see the millenium clearly, as |though it was part of my own life history. A thousand years ago we had lived in a world |where God and spirituality were clearly defined. And then we had lost it, or better, we |had decided there was more to the story. Accordingly, we had sent exploreres out to |discover the reall truth and to report back, and when they had taken too long we had |become preoccupied with a new., secular purpose, one of settling into the world of |making ourselves more comfortable. | | And settle we had, we discovered {...} --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the next paragraph, he goes on to list a few things we did and our achievements. The whole point of this is that we let go complete dependance in spirituality and moved toward making ourselves feel more secure. But we are changing and going back to a more spiritual awakening. Somehow I can relate. For some time now, I've been looking art life as if I was an observer. I refer to it sometimes as living as a tourist. This has given me a wonderful point of view that I am glad to have been able to experience. It has given me the opportunity to collect or discard certain attributes about myself that I don't enjoy. I can even, to some extent stay away from things in my life. +++++++++++The third insight+++++++++++ Brief; the third insight is a transformation of the physical universe. I've had a reoccuring vision (pronounced "day dream"). It is of every particle around me taking shape into what I am looking at. I am awestruck that I am standing on what is essentially electric charges and I am not falling ... "through" (?). Then the thought hits me; I, myself am made of the same stuff. weird? a related story (something I've seen after this conclusion); I have also had a few closed eyed hallucination off of mushrooms. I was sitting down normally (like one does on a chair - coincidently, I was on one at the time). My face was resting in my hands, the palms over the eyes . The elbows on the legs. ______________________________________________________________________________________ |I had a visual ... something. These visions were interpreted by me in this state as |the particles in my hands. They were geometric patterns that were all put together to |form something.. it was awesome! | |Not so related but still amusing; after looking up. I saw the two people I was with, |and I knew it.. they were "angels". There on earth to give me the experiences I needed | to grow into what I needed to become. For a long time, I could not shake that |thought.. it was weird. I was sure that there was scheming going on and that everyone |was telling -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- +++++++++++The conclusion+++++++++++++ I finally put in an entry. I will put more to let you know what's up with the book (or whatever else I am inclined to write about. I really don't know who I am talking to hehe.. not sure anyone will really read this whole length of text. I guess it's good that it solidifies thoughts. MY primary reason for writing. Peace out all (me) 2 comments|post comment

Same day, another entry. [11 Oct 2004|10:01pm] [ mood | if only there were words ] [ music | Inbound - Upward ] I chose to put this as another entry because I will put it in my memories. Happy thanksgiving. I found out recently (today) that a good acquaintance of mine's baby passed away. They had just recently had her. It's unfortunate that it takes intensely negative occurences to put life in perspective. Let's all hug. post comment

Karma [11 Oct 2004|09:55pm] [ mood | mmm compassion ] [ music | Inbound - (various songs) ] It's funny. Even if you don't believe in Karma or past lives ... or future ones for that matter. We must all agree that actions that have taken place in the past have affected us. And when we die and are gone from this planet, we still leave behind the actions that we have done during our life. Therefore if our being here has changed the way things are, and because we have done what we have done because of what others have done to us (and what others have done to them and to them and so on) - we are all intertwined. A better way I heard it put; we are all one. I guess what it all comes down to isnot choice, but intent. We can chose to not let things bother us, or give whenever we can. We can chose to make a positive difference or even a negative one in those around us. We can choose to live our lives without even thinking of choosing (that was a tricky one). But these choices are nothing unless we actually intent to follow through. hmm.. perhaps it is not intent; it is action alone. Which is it (that's an invite to post a comment)? post comment

SopHopOPopPopINopGop!op [11 Oct 2004|11:21am] [ mood | enthused ] [ music | A silver mount zion - 3 angels standing guard 'round the sid ] I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind last night. What an interesting concept. It's funny how arrangements of thoughts can have a certain effect in the mind. What I mean by that is if someone says a certain type of joke; depending on the joke, it will give a certain effect usually laughter. Just like when anything happens, it will give an effect that most people can relate to if they have ben in this type of situation. A sense of mixed emotions rushed through me during one scene because I feel as though I can relate to one 'arrangement' they had in the movie. Both parties (the guy and the girl) knew that they would never see each other again. The ammount of time they had to say goodbye was unknown but an approximation would tell them that they didn't have long. Although both wanted to bask in each other's presence, and they tried hard to do so... they both knew that it was best to just enjoy what they had. _ I am very happy. I've noticed over time that many follow a cyclic lifestyle; always going from either one state to another. Job /no job easily amused / tired passionate / bland happy / sad I have many (as I think many do). One of my main cycles is emotion / lack thereof, and I think a few days ago marked the beginning of my emotional cycle. This is a very intense state where I want to hug everyone and I love everything that is around me. Don't get me wrong, the opposite is not necessarily the opposite. I still do (or try to) love everything around me, there is just no emotion behind it. One thing I've noticed is that I do things differently when I am in either state of mind, but a postulate is taking shape; I am now under the impression that it is not the egg that made the chicken, but the other way around. It may be that my actions make me think the way I think. A few days ago, I started telling myself to think of my actions from a third person view. Although this is the first time I force this upon myself, it's not the first time that such a point of view has instilled such a raw and powerful emotional awareness. It's like I am tuned to the proper frequency to feel everything with such intensity. They say to walk the middle path, and I would certainly like to think that this is one of the things in my life that is not cyclic. It's funny how I can feel and not feel yet do the same things I would do normally. Now that may seem like a contradiction. I will explain; I always do the same things in the sense that I eat, shit, sleep .. you know essentials. But the way that I approch these actions vary. Sometimes I am 'in the moment' and this blinds me from what is really going on. Other times I see myself doing these things and in those moments I feel everything and I love everything. I dance, I cry, I laugh I think of things spontaneously. I have my reasons to do all those things (laugh cry etc.) but it seems like in my state of mind right now, its so easy to feel things that it my response seems to come from nowhere. ____________________________ Compassion is a beautiful thing. After someone asked me what I was thankful for today (thanksgiving); I replied that I was thankful for compassion Peace Anderwear post comment

[10 Oct 2004|06:44pm] [ mood | drinking and smoking ] [ music | Owls Life in the hair salon-themed bar on the island ] It's funny, I sooo want to be one of those guys who can hang out with girls and not have a hidden agenda. HOw swell (hehe) it would be to be able to just b able to hug everyone around me with so much love behind it. I think it's scary that I am saying all this because it shows how sad things are in this moment; I am not comfortable to approach someone and have physical contact... something that's so nice and full of love. It's much easier to have this sort of thing with people I've just met compared to those I have known for a long time. I remember hugging a friend of mine, it was nice. Maybe I'm gay haha... that sort of thing will make people think things like that. But why must we treat it in such a way that will make us think such a thing. Love should be shared openly and not restricted to anyone. Arg. I wish I could hold you. Peace. andre 3 comments|post comment

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